rules for being naked in front of strangers

I have been going to the same LA Fitness since January. I go four days a week. As you might expect, there are people I see there on a regular basis. There are the people I feel like I know but have never talked to, people I talk to on occasion but know nothing about personally, and then those that I never necessarily notice. The way people relate at the gym is just fine with me as they mostly keep to themselves, but that is not what this post is about. This is about when people at the gym are all finished with their workouts, when it is time to clean up and get out. This is about "Locker Room Etiquette", or better yet, "Rules for being naked in front of strangers".

RULE #1 DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT: There is plenty of time throughout the day to look someone in the eye, let them know you are strong, confident, and you are a person who knows what she/he wants. The locker room is neither the time nor the place for this. Looking someone in the eye when you are butt-naked is like staring straight at someone's eyes when you both know there is a huge white-head at the tip of their nose. You both know how hard you are trying not to pay attention to what is going on outside of your direct line of vision. It is not that you want to look, but you are intrigued by how different your bodies are, and you wonder whose is more "normal".

RULE #2 ...OR CONTACT OF ANY KIND: Do not touch anyone, anywhere. Hand to shoulder, shoulder to shoulder, and so on are all inappropriate when one or both people are lacking coverage in the locker room. Sense of touch is simply heightened the less clothes each party is wearing.

RULE #3 DO NOT BE A BEAR: Bears are hairy. If you happened to share this quality with them, you should reconsider "baring" all.

RULE #4 KEEP QUIET: Contrary to scenes in movies and TV shows, locker rooms are not places to make friends and influence people. They simply provide a way for you to leave the gym clean and ready for the workday without the trip home to take a shower. Nothing you say to someone in the locker room translates into real life with any sense of normality so don't waste your breath...or more importantly anyone else's.